Rainy Martini

February 19, 2012

Je suis... Je suis...

Just got home! I always wake up at about 5 A.M., although I never knew why. I mean it's not like I'm busy or have schedules. I have all the time in the universe at the moment, and it's not cool. I miss the thrill of meeting deadlines and dead peacocks. If you know what I mean.

I went to UP Diliman campus to jog, wearing my old varsity uniform. Gah, it's the shade of blue that will never ever ever capture my eyes, or heart. Or any other parts of my body because I loathe it. The only excuses I have for wearing it... well, comfort and memories.

I had to squeeze my arms forward, the forward-est I could get them. I hate my arms ok.

The next photo was taken last 2008. It was so fucking memorable because I had an epic fail moment while running. I don't even know how to start. Or if I ever will start. Hoho.

That day I suddenly got the painters in *winks*. So there. I've had menstrual cramps and weird bullshit that wasn't supposed to be there. Sigh. Of all days right?

What I found funny that time was when one of my teammates joked that my opponents would all break their legs because there'd be an alarming blood-spill on the track and everybody behind me could slip and easily die. For good.

Yuck. Yuck yuck ew. Sorry guys but it's kinda normal for us girls to talk about that stuff so casually. If you can't take it then scram away.

Yes, I'm nostalgic. I reminisce a million more times than expected. It has something to do with me having superhuman (loool) memory. I always remember what my friends last wore when we went to this place and when we went to that place. If we're online buddies I still remember the conversations we had, especially if we haven't had that many. I always freak people out, too. On the other side of the coin, it's kind of annoying because I get to remember unpleasant conversations and detailed painful memories.

If I had my way I'd get a brain reformat. Oh oh I think I know how that could be done. I once watched an autopsy video and the pathologist pointed out an area on the brain. If it gets shaken or something you could easily lose memories. SO ALL I HAVE TO DO IS POUND SOME NAIL ON THE RIGHT SPOT.

Speaking of nailing nails into someone's head, I briefly watched a documentary on Nat Geo last year about a sacrificial rite. The participants (using that word kinda makes it sound like a contest doesn't it?) (it kinda is, like, Who Gets To Be Taken By God First or something) dance and while they're at it, do some self-mutilating stunts like driving OHFUCK-inched nails into their heads. They slowly hammer it deeper and deeper until the nail-head is leveled with the skin.

I regret not watching the whole docu. I am now forever curious what happened to the old man. I wonder how that must feel, physically and spiritually.

Before I reach a spiritual topic I must stop. My beliefs should be written in a whole new post and how the fuck did I arrive at this topic? I was just thinking about my varsity times. What the.

Oh oh. I'm browsing this tumblelog called hellyeahhorrormanga so I'm kinda morbid. Also, I'm trying to finish a Gerritsen novel.

I LOVE BLOOD OH GOD. I'm fascinated with blood. Random, okay. Okay I shut up now.

I bombard you with parentheses yes, I'm too lazy to use em-dash eh. I'm not sorry for anything. Fuuu.

So this is what happens when I actually blog about my thoughts. Truth is I've read about how writing your thoughts down can lower your hostility level.

I'M NOT HOSTILE. Okay maybe I am but I am against physical violence okay? Morbid literature, ooooh. Oh god blooooood.


  1. Well, at least you didn't trip over a rock this time *cough cough cough* ;D

  2. Just Xiaoyan. Runs fast, elements misguide her. Especially the most recent... rocks.

  3. Haaaaaa! Did you two plan on what to comment on this post!?

  4. lol dude you scare me sometimes

  5. ROCKS? I mean what happened? How come I don't know about this? Clearly we had a rift but I stalked Xiaoyan on Twitter but I don't know any "rocks".



    @Riri I joined a 5KM marathon and I was already on my third kilometer when this fucking large rock crossed the lane and I tripped.

    it was the rock's idea to shame me. newspaper photographers WERE THERE WTF.


  7. @Riri Look at her complexion, her tan is coming off!

  8. i dont know what to say about the rock thing.. must be painful for you at that time..

    those memories do reside, do others are too painful, they too mold our lives.. so don't ask for your brain to be reformatted..


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